‘I am boring’

‘I am plain’

‘I am shy’

‘I am fearful’

‘I am invisible’

These are some of the negative statements I held to be true about myself for many years. I felt them in my bones, they had become a part of the fabric of what it was to be me. Don’t reach for the violins. My life was (is) one of privilege, and my parents have always been there to catch me if I fall which gives me the impetus to try things even though I might fail. I know how lucky I am, and yet, I realise now that I kept so much of myself hidden for so long because I believed these stories that I told about myself.

This might explain why I’ve found the idea of positive affirmations to be a little too shiny and glib over the years. Wasn’t it better to be humble and self-deprecating? More authentic? I was easily persuaded that affirmations were part of some kind of toxic positivity, not for serious spiritual seekers.

In truth, it was that positive affirmations just felt so alien to me. Although I desperately wanted to shine in life, I was equally terrified of what people might say if they saw me for who I really was and still thought I was boring! That’s why I love the Netflix special ‘The Call to Courage’ with Brené Brown so much (I watched it in a caravan in France with my favourite travel companion and it’s all about the courage to show up, however vulnerable that makes you feel). It was permission to be both liberated and terrified at the same time. But that to be true to ourselves was more important than being liked or valued or needed or accepted.

And so began the very gradual letting go of layers of limiting beliefs to be left at first with, ‘I don’t know who I am’, and then the gentle invitation from a trusted mentor to enter into a conversation that began with the prompt, ‘Master, who am I now?’

And while I can certainly be boring, fearful and shy, I am also many other things. I take creative chances, I am an optimist, I care deeply about all sorts of things.

I’ve recently realised this is why ‘I Am’ is the first Inner Work Project I’ve created. It sounds so simple to know who we are, and yet if you also struggle with this fundamental question then I salute you and your honesty and your willingness to explore. It took me years to lay down my armour of negative beliefs and I’m so glad I did.

Find out more about the I Am workbook & journal here